I live in what is called a Master slave relationship. My husband is not simply my mate, though he is that, nor is he simply the love of my life, though he is that as well. He is also my owner and as my owner, owns all that I am, and owns all that I own. Over my purpose and my life he holds the complete authority.
Getting to the how of it is probably the easiest. For the most part I live as any other wife with children, laundry and hot flashes. What sets our relationship apart is that should he choose to take on the micromanagement of the household and me he has the right to do so. That would be the nuts and bolts. As property I don't listen to what I want to listen to on the radio. Even if he is not home I listen to what he has directed me to listen to. That's a for instance, folks. There are very few occasions where he is going to direct me in something so small as to what radio station I listen to. But, it is his right to do so.
I would wear that and only that until given permission or the directive to change clothing. If he forgot to add shoes to the list in the mornings then I went without shoes until such time as he directed me to put some on. If he had told me to wear my six inch stilettoes to work in the garden or do the grocery shopping that is what I would have done. This order didn't last long as it took entirely too much time and energy on his part, but the right to give it and expect it to be carried out is his.
| 4. An issue for gender politics|
You may ask how I can let someone dictate to me this way. When you ask that, you are asking the why of it but I can answer the how. It isn't easy and there are times when I buck as hard as I can. But, how I do it is the same as the devout who can ‘let go and let God’. I am learning to let go and let my owner. As I said, it isn't easy. I'm a dominant personality in my own right. But, I need this to be happy in relationship and I'm willing to try every day to let go a little more.
This is not an issue for gender politics. There are women and men on both sides of the property owner line. This is about choice. I have chosen to put the all of me into the hands of the man named Scott. A man to whom I am married but to whom I belonged long before the fact of the marriage.
But now we have to come to the why of it. This is a question which is always much more difficult to answer than the how. For as long as I can remember I needed, desperately, someone who could be in control of their world. I needed to feel a rock at the center of the ever changing, ever turbulent sea that is my Self. I came of age in the 70s at a time when the phrase ‘politically correct’ had yet to come into common usage but the notion of being ‘correct’ in a cultural sense had taken hold. It was offensive to many to teach girls that being in a relationship of subordination to a man was a good thing. So be it. But, in getting rid of this attitude the baby got thrown out with the bath water and the choice which so many women had fought for was gone. To be anything other than a working woman who shared equally with her mate the rights and privileges of money, sex and politics was not a choice to be made. The choice to be a homemaker or a mother were met with questions such as “When are you going back to work?”
All through school I tried to keep my focus on college and a career. None of it appealed to me and given a particular set of circumstances I rebelled and ended up married at 19 and the mother of three by the time I was 24. A homemaker, miserably depressed and almost completely unable to function. My poor husband was (is) a very sweet man who would have given me the world on a platter but couldn't give me what I needed: direction, control and limits. In his mind that would have been wrong. Not as in a bad choice but as in Wrong with a capital W.
| 7. Unhealthy relationship |
After a divorce and an incredibly unhealthy relationship with a sociopath and the birth of a daughter fathered by him, I was torn to the ground. I had no idea of who or what I was and had to rebuild myself from scratch. I didn't do a great job but I did learn that finding what I was calling, at the time, the ‘strong, silent type’, was the right thing for me, and I didn't have to make any apologies for that.
It was at this time I discovered the organized BDSM community. Initially I was fascinated because my orientation for sex had always veered toward the odd. Fantasies of bondage, role play and masochism had always been my fellows in the search for good sex. I found bondage, role play and SM. But, more importantly I found a vocabulary by which to express my need in relationship to a man. In finding that vocabulary I also found my master.
Making the right choices is generally a difficult thing to do. Especially when the world at large is telling you that the choice you are making is Wrong (again with a capital W) and you, yourself have learned nothing to tell you it is the Right choice. But the proof is in the pudding, so they say, and for us this is the right choice to make.
Thinking about your post, you are to me a very special person who can allow herself to give her whole identity up to that one person in her life should it be required of her; that's amazing.
There is nooooo way I could ever do that. Even though there are times I want to be controlled, I don't think I could give up making basic everyday decisions for myself. Just goes to show how happy and confident we are in ourselves and how much we trust our mates doesn't it?
I also know that should I ever wish to go down a similar road, there is absolutely no way my husband would be able to pick up the reins, he is not commited or consistent enough for me to put myself 100% in his hands.
You are one very lucky woman to find a man who will not only fulfill all your needs, but seems 100% committed to you and your relationship, no matter how "bizarre" (for want of a better word) it may seem.
It doesn't matter how you "butter your bread": as long as you are both mutually happy and contented in YOUR life choices, that's all that matters.